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af Styf » lørdag, 29. nov, 2008 21:46
I heard that Skrtel once had a heart attack...the heart lost.
Martin Skrtel does not sleep. He waits.
Martin Skrtel could strangle you with a cordless phone.
Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Martin Skrtel. He passed. It was too violent.
Martin Skrtel lost his virginity before his father.
Apple pays Skrtel 99p every time he listens to a song.
Einsteins original theory of relativety was: if Martin Skrtel kicks you your relatives will feel it.
Once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Martin Skrtel does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Martin Skrtel does not run. He jumps on the spot and the earth moves into position
If two Martin Skrtels tackled each other at the same time, time would collapse and the Earth would cease to exist.
Martin Skrtel doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage
Martin Skrtel is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
They once made a Martin Skrtel toilet paper, but there was a problem - it wouldn't take $hit from anyone.
Martin Skrtel puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Martin Skrtel doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Martin Skrtel is Martin Skrtel.
As soon as he was born he grabbed the midwife, the doctors and nurses by their ankles and slapped their arses then went on a 22 pint drinking spree.
Martin Skrtel sees dead people, then kills them again.
Martin Skrtel made BA get on a plane without the use of drugs
When Martin Skrtel types LOL you can actually hear him laugh out loud.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Martin Skrtel.
When Martin Skrtel was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Martin Skrtel.
If you can see Skrtel he can see you, if you can't see Skrtel you may only be seconds away from death.
Scientists believed diamond to be the hardest substance known to man - until they discovered Martin Skrtel.
Martin Skrtel once did a two-footed side tackle. He has vowed never to do it again though; one Grand Canyon is enough.
Martin Skrtel can put a Rowntrees Fruit Pastille in his mouth for a full 14 and a half minutes without chewing..
When Martin Skrtel went to transylvania he was bitten by three vampiers and they all became human.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Martin Skrtel, because Martin Skrtel killed that man.
One day Skrtel walked into McNasty's an asked for a KFC family bucket... and got one
Martin Skrtel played russian roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
Duncan Ferguson has stated that if he was playing in the Premier League these days he'd carry a can of petrol with him in games against Liverpool. He says that if Martin Skrtel was about to slide tackle him he'd burn himself to death because it would be less painful than the tackle. When informed of this, Skrtel replied that he would have resuscitated Ferguson... And slide-tackled him to death anyway.
Now Ferguson, like the boogeyman, checks his closet for Skrtel before going to bed.
There is no theory of evolution just a list of creatures Martin has allowed to live.
Martin Skrtel has two speeds: tackle and kill
A handicap parking sign does not signify that a spot is available for disabled people. It is in fact a warning that the spot belongs to Martin Skrtel and that you will become handicapped if you park there.
Martin Skrtel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
Martin Skrtel can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Martin Skrtel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He tackles them to hell.
The Fountain of Youth is actually Martin Srktel sweat.
BOUNCEBACKABILITY - You can't buy atmosphere